Okay this post is kinda emotional and stuff so I hope you guys would understand me and forgive me if I say some things that you don’t agree upon.

Sometimes I feel so alone, I feel so left out(financially). It’s not that I can’t afford to study in BBS or buy branded things and all. Well, my dad can afford to buy me thousands of things I wanted to. But I just can’t be like, so selfish. I tell you what, my dad’s business is now kinda not stable. My dad and mom work together and they sell birdnest(sarang walet). It’s usually exported to Hongkong and now the market is so down. Lesser and lesser people are wanting to buy it and this thing can’t go in to China because of China’s Olympic. Shit. Dad’s going thru stressful time these months back. Another confession, this is the reason why sometimes I refuse to go out with friends. The fact is “I’m saving!!!!” Sob*
I kinda have my own savings thou. Well, it’s hard to explain everything. I’ve covered this thing for such a long time. I can’t take it anymore!!!!!
Another thing is that I wonder why mom and dad always see me as if I’m still a kid. I’m 15 and I think I’m old enough to take care of my own self. And I can actually understand how they feel about this business thing and I really2 want to help them but I just don’t know how. That’s why I choose to stay at home, eating home made meals, and stuff. When it’s actually my HOLIDAY.

I’ve been so patient, I’ve been covering my face in front of my friends, I’ve been hiding things from them. YET, mom said this to me a while ago,
MOM:You see how good and matured your sister is. You know, your uncle asked her to get a new phone. Then you know what she answered?
ME: What?
MOM: She said, no lah no need, now daddy’s business is so unstable. Save money lah.
ME: Ohh

I was like, “WHAT THE HELL???”
Things are just happened to be so unfair.
I wonder why mom always say that my sis is like this, my sis is like that. My sis is always better than me. It’s like, she has only ONE daughter and it’s my sis. Whereby I’m the one who accompany her everywhere she goes, I choose dresses for her, I listen to her when she had a quarrel with my dad. MOM, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU ????!!!! Shit, tears are starting to drop. I can’t stand the pain ANYMORE.