No More A Girl, I'm Now a WOMAN♥

The journey started on 24th Feb 1993..Then it carried on until a sister was born..Finally in Secondary 1.Doing good in Secondary 3.Secondary 4.Graduated O Level.

Throughout the whole journey, I cried, I broke down, I learned things, I stood up again. I got left out, dumped, bitched about, hated. But in the end it was all worth it. Without those things I won't be the me now. Without getting cheated I won't be as strong as I am right now. Without being hated I won't be the person I am right now. Things have gone wrong but they would always be right again. You don't have to have many things in life. All you need is a family that completely supports you, best friends that never judge you no matter what you do, sufficient logic, and endless educational informations.

When I was in primary school life was great. I had nothing, at all, to worry about. Daddy woke me up every single day. He would carry me in his shoulder, walked back and forth in the house, until I was completely awake. Mom and Granny would prepare me breakfast. And then after everything I would happily hopped on to the dad's motorcycle. Back then, who cares about what shoes you're wearing? Who cares about going here and there with motorcycle? Who cares about which malls and restaurants you go to every weekend? Everything was simple. You go to school, study, break time run around the field, laugh your ass off with friends, talk about those cute little guys. Then after the day you just go home and watch TV. Back then I was always with Granny. She had to take care of my sister and I because mom and dad had to go for work. I was so glad I had her. She never ever failed to make me tomato juice, every single day. Not to mention that on those days we didn't have blenders yet, so she had to boil the tomato and then crushed it by spoon. Having her, was the best thing in life. One day granny fell down from the chair when she was trying to clean up something, I was 5. Luckily mom was home. but then again we didn't have cars yet, but my uncle did. When granny fell I was so shocked I immediately burst into tears. And I ran towards the phone to call my unc. Sigh, the memory is still so fresh. Like it was yesterday. I miss You, Granny. I really do.

As I grow up, granny still stayed with me. She in fact told me and taught me more things than mom did. Can't blame it on mom as well bcos she was always busy working. I had the best days in life, when Granny was still alive. Until a point of time, my youngest aunt had a big fight with mom, and she's still single. So granny moved out and lived with her. It was like 2 or 3 years before granny left. I hated aunt for taking her away from me. But I still visited her every once in a while, like once or twice a week. We talked to each other for hours, only the two of us. We had lots of things to talk about. I told her things that I didn't even bother telling mom. Then one day I woke up with mom telling me that granny's hospitalized. That she was still in comma. I didn't know how bad she was so I didn't really think about it. I went to school then, when I got back home mom told me granny was getting worse. It was all so sudden, the last time I talked to her was at max a week before she got hospitalized. She said nothing important that day, but only one thing, she told me to not play around with guys. Not to be in a relationship before I'm matured enough. And I remembered that I felt so bad, saying yes to her, but in reality I've been with several guys.
Then I nagged daddy, told him I wanted to go to the hospital immediately. So then dad brought me and my sister there. I still had no idea how bad she was. When I entered the ICU Room I was shocked. I was numb with pain and fear. She's no longer somebody I know. Her face has changed. Still the granny I've always loved but just not the same anymore. Like she wasn't there anymore. Long story made short, she was in ICU for a month. And she was never awake. NEVER. I wanted her to at least say 1 or 2 sentences before she rested in peace, but she didn't. What was worse is when she left I was out in EX with my girls. It was my first time going out after the whole month of sadness and fear. But then she left me on my 1st time out. When dad called I couldn't even cry. I just sat down, and thought about nothing.

I was finally in the Rumah Duka, out of her 8 grand children, I was the only who saw her before her coffin's closed. When I saw her I immediately kneeled down and cried. I wanted to kill myself. She was blue-black, she had her make ups on, she was so beautiful. but I couldn't help that I was afraid and at the same time I wanted her back. One thing she never fails to wonder about is whether she'll be there on my wedding. And I've always told her that she is going to see the man I've chosen. but then before everything, she left. even before I'm 17. I remembered praying for her every single night when she was still hospitalized. I remembered holding her hands and prayed. I told God that if He's going to take her away already, please take her. Because every second the machine beeped, I felt like I was being stabbed in the heart. The doctor had to get her phlegm out but as the fact that she wasn't awake, she couldn't do it by herself. So the doctor had to put a pipe in her throat and sucked those out. I didn't see the doctor doing it to her but I once saw the doc doing it to the other patient. I cried when I heard the other guy calling out sounds that completely sounded painful to me. I can't imagine if I had to see the doc doing that to granny. I was so vulnerable and weak. I cried every time I had the chance to. I didn't want to lose her but at the same time I didn't want to see her suffering like that.

Moving on...
Then again I had my girls. They were there for me. In good times and bad times they were always there.

So now the question is,
what are the things I need more, if I've already had these things in life?
NOTHING.



So, Happy Sweet 17 to Me.